Sunday 27 June 2021

A love Letter to Myself

Dear Ed,

I wrote shit down for you to remember what happened 5 years ago. I hope when you're finally reading this again, you're not the same person I quoted 5 years ago (fingers crossed). I hope you're doing good with your now-husband. I hope he treats you well. And if you happened to have kids now, you are doing good with them. And I expect you to celebrate your first Christmas with them with a video of his/her singing Christmas songs in front of the magical tree. If you're wild guessing what fuckery I'm talking about, please go through your saved posts on Instagram. I saved something for you to use later 😂. Quote "for future reference, Ed." The clue is GRINCH. 

Moving on. Do you remember the day when you were scrolling Twitter and came across a tweet saying that a virus is spreading all across China? Well, fuck we got hit. March 2020, the whole world was fucked up with a deadly pandemic, Covid-19. At first, they said that the virus started its attack all across China but were conspiracies going around saying that America was hit first. But, they kept it in their pocket. They got balls I tell youuu. Frankly speaking, the moment I wrote this shit, it's 10 months of struggle and hardship that the whole world was facing. People were dying. People were losing jobs. Schools were closed for months now. In case you forgot, we were doing online teaching now. I think it's easier for those who lived in the city but such a struggle for those who lived in rural areas. Most are not able to catch up with most of the sessions. I hope yours is better now. I mean, if you're still teaching at the same school for five years now, things should be better la suda kan. If you're still the Guru PSS, please have a moment to reminisce how filthy that place looked like when you got that post! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! 

After a year working, girl you still don't own a car! Your payslip is clean bitch 😂. You went with your boyfriend most of the time la. Did you guys settle down? I mean, the same person, right? Are you doing good financially or you still fuck things up when it comes to money? Because 2020 you did bad. But it's totally fine because making mistakes will always get you to the right place. Provided you learn from your mistake la.

..

I have no idea why I kept this in my draft when I literally should have finished it before. By the way, things are not even doing good with our country. We are back to what we had during PKP 1.0. However, this time, it's bullshit and crap. I just saw a Tiktok video earlier today saying that "Our government is not the solution. But they are the real problem." Well, I hope you get the gist of what I'm trying to say. I even uninstalled my Twitter because that app is too much for now. People are starting to lose their shit. The suicide rate is going up, our local newspapers are reporting all sort of cases which are closely related to the Rakyats. How bad this pandemic and our politicians' shallow judgments are affecting everyone's lives. I am tired of talking about the damage they did to us. I hope your years are better than what we're going through now. 

I think that's all for now. 

I hope you'll enjoy reading this.

ed. 2021.



Wednesday 3 April 2019

TOXIC PEOPLE :)

Hi :) It's 1.48 am, man and I'm here spending some time to update my blog when deep down I know I have works to do. Like A LOT. Anyways, our topic today is "TOXIC PEOPLE" or in Malay, orang yang negatif? haha. don't know the particular words for it. At first, when I heard the word toxic people, I imagine someone yang paling sandih level negatif dia. I thought it's the people around me that possess the traits. Not me. But, I am wrong because somehow we can always be the "toxic people" in someone's eyes. Funny kan? When you proudly say that you are going to remove these people from your sight but actually kau pun toxic di mata dorang.

Before this, I was happy to say that I managed to get rid of some names in my story. Like "serve your face boy/girl. You deserve that because you radiated negative vibes when you're with me. You're a bad person. Like really bad." After some time doing that, I suddenly realize that they were in my story to make my life more interesting, or else it'll be just black and white. I am actually grateful that we crossed paths because they taught me a lot. If it's not because of them, I wouldn't know how to ignore shit like a pro, I wouldn't appreciate whomever I am with right now (new friends), I wouldn't be the person that befriends with everyone else, I wouldn't be someone yang "It's okay ed. Your world does not revolve around them. So does their world."

They don't deserve the word "TOXIC" and no one else should. We were once close friends. We were once sisters. Why all of a sudden you labeled them as toxic? It's just the fact that "you don't talk to each other anymore" and there's no problem with that. People come and go. Don't expect people around you to tag you along all the time. One piece of advice, befriend everyone. You won't regret it. Trust me. It will benefit you in the long run. Another piece of advice, whatever stupid things we did, stories and laughs we shared, let's just keep it to ourselves. Because that's what makes me question myself on why I should consider you toxic. I won't talk about toxic families or toxic relationships. That's another level of toxicity that I think I can't relate to. But, whatever it is, never think that you're walking on fire alone and no one is gonna understand your struggle. There will always a good samaritan around you. You just have to let it all out. Talk to people around you. EASIER SAID THAN DONE but please please please don't keep it to yourself. xoxo.

Thursday 27 September 2018

The Audacity.

Apparently, someone took my write-up and claimed it as hers. Please, DO NOT DO THAT. That's so rude and inappropriate. It's the same as stealing. 

My blog/write-up ni pun bukan bagus mana pun. But at least have the gut to ask my permission to copy paste. Niii, suda la kena copy paste, kau ubah tajuk p tajuk kau, pastu u took the credits over people yg layak dpt tu credit. That's not how you write. It's so disrespectful that you have the audacity to change the title and paling sucks, u deleted the part where i talked about my little sister. Soooo disrespectful.

To be honest, i'm pretty much disappointed at you sebab you are not who you present your life on social media. Sorry for being rude but that's a big no. I really dont mind if you wanna take this up to your blog but girl you can ask me first?

Sunday 31 July 2016

Dear Geraldine,

"Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul."

-Charlie Chaplin in a letter to his daughter, Geraldine
Source : @poemsporn_

Wednesday 27 July 2016

Lately Craving More

I'm at the point in my life where I need everyone to be straight up honest with me. If you're upset with me or I made u put the devil mask on your face, tell me. Don't just simply push me away or else I'll end up pushing people away too. I'm afraid if one day, we cross path again, we might not be able to make things right anymore.

I know that life gets easier when you forgive people. Easier said than done, man. And I'm thankful for those who invented the word 'ughhhhhh'. This 'ughhh' reaction comes up every time I feel like dying inside. And of course when I have no idea what to do. What to feel. What to say. What to remember. And. What to cry for. I thought being 20 will be that easy. Hell, no. You want to act like 18 but you have the responsibilities of 25. Adult, old folks think I'm a kid but kids think I'm an adult. This is so depressing.

Apart from being depressed with all these adulting shits, I kinda wasting my evening missing home. I miss all the joy watching my little sister growing up. I bet she has all her upper teeth now. The last time I saw her, there're still empty spots for her new teeth. I used to carry her around when she was little. Right now, I think she's running around with my cousins in the neighborhood playing hide and seek or "kejar-kejar". Those two little feet are stable enough now to not to be pampered with her big sister carrying her around like a lazy pig. Kidding. And again, this is depressing.

Mushy-mushy love story? nahhhhh. I'm done and I don't wanna talk about it. Let us just pretend that my love story is way too complicated to be written in here. Mine is full of dull rainbow, ugly unicorn, stink roses, and black dust. Believe me, I won't  waste your time going through it because right after you finish reading it, you'll be on your way to the hospital, muntah2, pening2, cirit birit. Just that I learned so much from it to the point that now I kind of having major trust issues. To my future soulmate who might be flirting with someone else's jodoh right now, can't wait to make your life miserable. Brace yourself, babe. :D

Okay, my bed needs an urgent superhero's saving. So, I'm off to put on my superhero cape and get myself near to it. And I caught your romantic sleepy eyes while reading my super-sucks-essay, so off you go. :)

Thursday 22 October 2015

LEMON.

'IF LIFE GIVES YOU LEMON, WHY NOT PINCH IT TO SOMEONE ELSE'S EYES?'